Finally, it is time to explain my experience with the 10th scripture in this series. As with all the others I have written about, it served as guidance and inspiration to go on. The promise that it offered simply could not be ignored. I craved the professed outcome; hoped every word written would come to pass.
Blogging for two months about scriptures that saw me through a season of trauma has caused me and likewise, those that read and rely on “Just Do Today” to walk through, to be drug through the hard stuff of life.
I have bared my fears, my struggles and my sorrows, the range of emotions that plagued my broken heart. It is absolutely true, I was driven to my knees and was brought to a fetal position on the floor as I suffered through a season of suffering. What I wrote about was real, it happened and it was hard.
I have tried to share the many coping skills and spiritual solutions required to stand up against the darkness that threatened to overtake me. Sometimes, I had to power up and push through, other times I had to sit still and trust. Sometimes the onus that was placed upon me was to simply be OK with not being OK, hoping one day things would be different. Certainly, my patience and perseverance were put to the test.
In each of these situations, the scriptures served as a weapon to fight off weariness, a tool to tame my emotions. As well, God’s Holy Writ provided a structured way to think, so that I knew better than to give up. Today, I am ever so grateful for the many passages that served to soothe me, sustain me and to strengthen me.
However, none of the passages in the series, so far have said anything about cheerfulness, joviality or having joy.
Sometimes, in the darkest of moments, I found myself asking, “Why fight so hard, when there isn’t much to look forward to?”
And, that is what why this last scripture in the series was so vital to my recovery.
When I read Psalms 30:11:
“You tuned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.”
I knew that things would change. I wasn’t sure when a transformation would take place, nor what it would look like when it did. As well, would it be a sudden “something” or another process that extended over a long period of time.
I had no way of knowing any of the particulars, all I could do was trust in the promise!
On the days, I wanted to throw in the towel because, I thought the rest of my life wasn’t worth living, I prodded myself to adopt a different stance.
Chopping the negativity at the knees, I scolded my sour thoughts with truth of Christ, “Elizabeth, if Jesus says one day life will be good again, you need to go along with it.”
So, every time I caught myself thinking about my life being scarred my loss, I gently reminded myself that The Great Healer says it doesn’t need to happen that way.
Instead, out of sheer love and grace, He promised to pull back the veil of sadness and grief so that I could once again experience love and laughter and life experiences that brought sincere fulfillment.
As I said before, I desperately wanted this lighter sense of self. So, I forced myself to believe I would get better.
But the truth is, in the scripture Jesus stated my life would be better than just satisfactory.
He foretold of a time rather than just getting by, my life experience would be pretty darn good. Promising that one day I would be recovered enough to joyfully tap my toes and twirl around!
There were days I never thought this possible! For weeks I walked around with a scowl and a frown. Months passed by when I thought I would never smile again. And years, came and went when I thought all I would do is exist.
But then! In all His goodness, with grace that covered me like dew in the dawn of a new day, God delivered on His promise …
On a special night of celebration, in July of this year, I found myself, out on the dance floor with my adorable daughter!
Yes, I got out there in the crowd and the excitement of the moment and for a few seconds, I shook off all the sadness and layers of despair. For the moment, my wailing had turned to dancing, my mourning rags had been ripped away and I was clothed in absolutely JOY!
For a mom who didn’t think she would ever smile again, I think this is pretty darn good!
Surely, I don’t always feel THIS great nor does delight define each of my days.
But, I am thankful to say, I think I have come a long way…………
I give you all the glory for this very special snapshot!!! Thank you for this moment and this memory! Thank you for promises that pulled me through and for making good on what you said you would do. As well, I wait expectantly for the abundant living yet to come.
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9 thoughts on “From a Woman Who Never Thought She’d Smile Again …”
Praise God for ALL He is doing!!!
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Amen Ms Jan!
I don’t know what you are going through but I can so relate to your emotions that I am subscribing to your blog and going back to read the whole story. Thanks for being my neighbor at Ra Ra Linkup
It is so nice to meet you and a blessing to know that these words resonate with you. As you read my story, may the grace and love of God cover you and bring you hope just as they did me. I look forward to writing alongside you.
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The picture is beautiful, your smile too. Elizabeth, your cling to Christ in the midst of this painful season is clear – and I’ve just “met” you for the first time here today. Our Lord’s strength displayed is a triumph set for all to see. Surely, your smile is part of that display. I’m so sorry about your daughter yet thankful you ran to our trustworthy Refuge in the midst of the storm. Today I’ll be setting your name and your family’s at the throne of God through prayer. Visiting via #testimonyTuesday.
Knowing that makes me breathe easier! As the holidays approach anxiety tries to find its way back. I don’t think it will ever be easy living with the loss. However, knowing myself and those I love have been presented to the throne of God through prayer makes the journey and the days ahead more doable. Thank you for your prayers.
Precious! Thank you for sharing the smile and believing in the joy the Lord promises, even through the hardest times!
Love this verse so much, I lift it up to Him whenever I’m tempted to let my chronic depression win out for the day. Because it holds a powerful promise of healing!
So glad I visited from #CoffeeForYourHeart!