Believing in Beautiful … was written 11 months ago. What in the world have I been doing since then? Why no writing? Have I no words?
The truth is, I took a self-imposed sabbatical from justdotoday, citing personal reasons. I needed space to breath and be still, to seek God’s will and to hear his whispers, to respond to new ways with love and then always allow redemption to lead the way.
Simply put, my world, other’s worlds needed to settle and to solidify and our souls needed time to spend with each other before I exposed one of the greatest love stories in my life.
Love as exquisite as it is, takes time to grow and to become the bond that cements relationships. I knew better than to charge through this season of relationship building like the Bull Run we see in Spain. To treat this next life chapter as a set of mechanics would have been a sin.
Instead, the Holy Spirit guided me to stay sensitive, to let the pace and rhythm of my life and all those involved to work its way out, and to move through this unprecedented time period with ease, but with acute awareness. Truly, we were and are traveling through Holy Ground and He let me know, time was His gift, allowing everyone to settle down, to settle in and then to see and experience the fruits of His love. He let me know there was a lot of living left to do. Therefore, rushing and pushing through with my own agenda or allowing anyone else to establish their preferred course of action simply wasn’t going to work.
That isn’t to say, I haven’t been lovingly harassed and chided for the last 330 days!! “Mom, you need to write a blog!”, Brooke tried to enforce. Her excitement always propelling her to push. “Elizabeth, what about justdotoday and your book?” David prodded on a weekly basis. His reasoning was to get back to the business of writing and ultimately finishing my publishing project. I understood and loved their ways and reasons to move everything forward at a faster pace.
Yes. I heard them. Yet. I knew not to listen. Instead, I intentionally instituted selective hearing when they spoke.
Why? Well, simply put, I wasn’t taking my direction from them. What they didn’t realize was nothing they could say or do would have swayed me to tell the story, until I knew it was time. Their constant attempts at persuasion were love punches, I know. However, this isn’t their story to write.
This is God’s story and watching for His ques and listening for His whispers was and is where my inspiration swells from.
Over time and in person, the story has been told to others in safe settings and with trusted souls. I have shared it myself. As well, I have been a bystander when someone else is revealing the blessing bestowed upon our family. Each time, the orator and it’s audience reap God’s riches! Teary eyes and tender hugs are the genuine responses “we” receive when we share. Whether it be Brooke, David, Melissa, myself or even an extended family member telling a friend, when people hear, they are happy. Happy for her, happy for us, happy for everybody!!!!
This week a Facebook post where David and I were referred to as “Grands” moved God’s story beyond the sacred circle of family and close friends. Oh, what a beautiful year and a half it has been; creating new memories, laughing and smiling ALOT, loving in new ways and being busier than before! It is all so good. Yet, I’m grateful for the more private space we carved out for ourselves, giving our family time and space to grow and be united as ONE before opening up to the world.
However, as I showered on Monday morning, I processed the FB post that was shared and the responses from people it elicited.
“Grand role? What did I miss?” a friend wrote seeking explanation. Like often before, my thoughts traveled to, “Oh my, I wonder what they will think, when they know?” I have no reason or past actions to make me think someone will have an adverse reaction. However, inevitably that thought snakes itself into my thinking and creates unnecessary havoc! (Satan get under my feet!!!)
But, no doubt, during this 18-month journey, that question has caused anxiety and fear to run rabid inside of me. Shame would try to steal the show and shut down any light being shed on love. But, by the grace and goodness of God, this particular cleansing on this particular Monday morning had a different outcome.
Instead, of feeling embarrassed of my past, where I wanted to scrub the past sin off my skin. I was ecstatic and alive and free to share my future. Goose bumps traveled up my spine and caused my scalp to tingle and my heart raced with excitement!! Combine that with the new expensive shampoo I have been sampling, I didn’t want to get out of the shower!!! Honestly, I was held by the heavenly massage my mind and body were receiving. But, my soul was experienceing a Go Tell It On The Mountain kinda moment!!!
Indeed, this was the kind of holy harassing I have been waiting and watching for!!!!! It is this internal signal of readiness, the knowledge that happens on the inside, not suggestions from an outer source, but instead a confirmation from within that has signaled me to open up!
Yes, the time has come to share! I’m ready, we are ready, I believe so many involved are in a healthy place making them ready . But, most importantly, it is God that said, “Go!, Be excited and share my love with all!”
“Yes”, friend, you did miss something!!!! But, it wasn’t your fault because I held it a secret, in a sacred, holy kind of way, on purpose. I simply cherished keeping it all close to my heart as we allowed love to seal the deal!!!
BUT, this gift, in Melissa Gray Tom, is so unbelievably astounding you and everybody else need to know! She is simply lovely; a beautiful woman, with a compassionate heart for Christ and raising an incredible family (Katherine, Madelyn (twin 7 year old girls and a 4 year old son, Samuel) alongisde her husband, Sammy Tom.
And to think, she is part MINE!! (Of course, I know I have to share her with others; there are many many others that love this beautiful lady BIG! 🙂 )
So here it is – I’m incredibly blessed to share that in December 2016, I was lovingly reunited with the daughter I placed for adoption 35 years ago. For the past 18 months we have been opening up our hearts to one another and learning to do life together!!! David and Brooke are totally in love too and because of that our family has doubled and then some in size !
Rest with that for awhile, I know it is a doozy. But undoubtedly, stay tuned. Over the next few months, I will be sharing God’s story of redemption and hope in a series of blogs capturing our journey thus far!
Next Month – A Christmas Coffee
Pray with me:
Heavenly Father,
We are so grateful for your promises of redemption. Thank you for loving me enough to forgive me of my sin and the in return, instead of punishment, you bless me ten-fold. It is through you we can do hard things and conquer situations that could hurt. Thank you for the gift of the Holy Spirit that lives inside each of us, so that we can better walk in your ways – ways that lead to healing and love and light. We offer praise and thanksgiving to you, Lord,
In your precious names, Jesus we pray these things.
Would it be surprising to know that the above list didn’t do it for me? Rather, it was the process of saving the people and the water recovery that sent me reeling backwards. The scenes of boats racing over the water, men in life jackets intent on rescue and helicopters overhead that pulled me to a painful place. The scenes were so familiar and carried a past so stressful that it felt like a smoldering piece of metal piercing my heart every time I saw a picture.
are just being a wimp. So what, if you are tired,” I pushed myself to continue pedaling. “Elizabeth, just keep going. It’s OK if you are worthless the rest of the day,” I worked to excuse myself from being productive. “Elizabeth, just ignore the heaviness you are feeling. You can figure out what is wrong when you get home,” I tried to push aside what was ailing me.
There was no use in stalling. So, I flexed the little muscle stored in my upper arms and went for it. Mile nine and ten weren’t easy. Mile eleven, twelve and thirteen proved to be increasingly difficult. During mile fourteen my body was in as bad a shape as before. To carry on, I needed a new strategy. So, I stirred up mental toughness and pulled my muscles taught to endure to the end. I held my breath and squinted the corners of my eyes to tap into the energy that was left. I could see the break in the trees that indicated the opening into my subdivision, but I still didn’t think I was going to make it!
It is a good thing I wasn’t aware of the hours of isolation that would be required to complete this task. Needless to say, I may have never started. Early on, I discovered it was essential to detach myself from the hustle and bustle of everyday life to get this job done. Too many distractions, invitations and temptations came my way when I was socially engaged with the world. In order to write about a personal experience, you have to research yourself. The only way I could hear and remain connected to that inward reflection was to withdraw to my inner self. I came to undestand that (somewhat) cutting myself off from society was the answer, but with that came stretchs of silence. When loneliness set in, I pondered Picasso’s words of wisdom and went back to work.
Just Do Today 